Author Topic: mausam  (Read 159 times)

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Rashmi

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mausam
« on: July 15, 2014, 08:45:04 PM »
mujh se hi naaraaj ye mausam
aise kyon hai aaj ye mausam

barse na,, par aankh se barsa
dekho dhokhewaaj ye mausam

chaah kar bhi barse na baadal
jaane kyon   muhtaaj ye mausam

dhoop hai bahar, ye par bheega
man se hi nasaz ye mausam

badle kaise rang ye tab se
jaane dil ka raaj ye mausam

jaane,, lautaaye chidiya si
kya teri aawaaj ye mausam

kauN si sun ke udasi dhun
kaise chheDe saaz ye mausam

tu jo rashmi' pahn na paaye
kaante jaisa  taaj ye mausam













« Last Edit: July 15, 2014, 09:12:56 PM by Rashmi »
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale

Sagar

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Re: mausam
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2014, 09:15:55 PM »

mujh se hi naaraaj ye mausam
aise kyon hai aaj ye mausam

KHOOBSOORAT MATLA...



barse na,, par aankh se barsa
dekho dhokhewaaj ye mausam

WAAH..


chaah kar bhi barse na baadal
jaane kyon   muhtaaj ye mausam

WAAHH

dhoop hai bahar, ye par bheega
man se hi nasaz ye mausam

HAHA..ACHCHHA SHER HAI


badle kaise rang ye tab se
jaane dil ka raaj ye mausam

SAANI BEHAD KHOOBSOORAT,.. OOLA KE LIYE NAHI KEH SAKTA KUCHH..


jaane,, lautaye chidiya si
kya teri aawaaj ye mausam

AAHA... WAAH

kauN si sun ke udasi dhun
kaise chheDe saaz ye mausam

MEETHA SHER

tu jo rashmi' pahn na paaye
kaante jaisa  taaj ye mausam

WAAH


Almost meter me hai... achchhe sher hain..

मोमिन न मैं फ़िराक न ग़ालिब न मीर हूँ
इक आग का गोला हूँ मैं अर्जुन का तीर हूँ

Rashmi

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Re: mausam
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2014, 04:03:56 AM »
Bahut qaafiye ghalat hain
Aur sher bhi bas behr main fit kiye hain..
:(-
shayad mujh meiN abhi tak qafiye ki samajh hi na ho poori tarah se ...plz example ke saath clear kijiye ta ke   sudhaar ki gunjaish ho
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale

Rashmi

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Re: mausam
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2014, 04:38:08 AM »

mujh se hi naaraaj ye mausam
aise kyon hai aaj ye mausam

KHOOBSOORAT MATLA...



barse na,, par aankh se barsa
dekho dhokhewaaj ye mausam

WAAH..


chaah kar bhi barse na baadal
jaane kyon   muhtaaj ye mausam

WAAHH

dhoop hai bahar, ye par bheega
man se hi nasaz ye mausam

HAHA..ACHCHHA SHER HAI


badle kaise rang ye tab se
jaane dil ka raaj ye mausam

SAANI BEHAD KHOOBSOORAT,.. OOLA KE LIYE NAHI KEH SAKTA KUCHH..


jaane,, lautaye chidiya si
kya teri aawaaj ye mausam

AAHA... WAAH

kauN si sun ke udasi dhun
kaise chheDe saaz ye mausam

MEETHA SHER

tu jo rashmi' pahn na paaye
kaante jaisa  taaj ye mausam

WAAH


Almost meter me hai... achchhe sher hain..
shukriya Sagar jaisa bhi lkhti hooN ....is kabil nahi hui ki bahut achha likh sakuN ...phir bhi aap ne jo sanmaan diya uske liye aabhaari hooN ...is se likhne ki prerna milti haiN ...haaN khaamiyaN bhi bejhijak bataiye......ta jo shayad aap jaise har likhavat pe daad mile   :)      (jaise aap ko milti hai)....  khush rahiye    duaaeiN
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale

Venus Sandal

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Re: mausam
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2014, 09:11:26 AM »
Bahutttt din baad aa paayi hn..aur aake sabse pehle aapki gazal pdi

Nice di

Mousam bhi khush ho gya hoga aapki mousmi gazal pdh kr :)
zoya****

Lau  hi lau sii ..... saik nhi si
Vekh lya main jugnu phd ke
:-Meesa.

Sagar

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Re: mausam
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2014, 12:41:43 PM »
shukriya Sagar jaisa bhi lkhti hooN ....is kabil nahi hui ki bahut achha likh sakuN ...phir bhi aap ne jo sanmaan diya uske liye aabhaari hooN ...is se likhne ki prerna milti haiN ...haaN khaamiyaN bhi bejhijak bataiye......ta jo shayad aap jaise har likhavat pe daad mile   :)      (jaise aap ko milti hai)....  khush rahiye    duaaeiN


Rashmi ji... . jo sachchha thought tha mann ka wo mausam ko dekhte huye aap ne likh diya.. saari baat hi khatm ho jaati hai is jageh pe aakar.. .. fir padhne waaloN ki daad-khaad aah-waah aur unki judgement ye sab bahot secondary cheez ho jaati hai... aur fir bahot achchha to poetry me (ya kisi bhi art me ) kuchh hota hi nahi... jo sachchha hai wo achchha hai... :-)) (chhota muh badii baat ho gayii ho to bade logoN se maafi chaahunga.. lekin sach bataauN to man se nahi bas oopar se.. kyunki main ekdam yahi sochta hun.. aur yahi maanta hun ke poetry jabtak sachchhi hai achchhi hai.. baaki sab faaltu ki baateN haiN)
मोमिन न मैं फ़िराक न ग़ालिब न मीर हूँ
इक आग का गोला हूँ मैं अर्जुन का तीर हूँ

Rashmi

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Re: mausam
« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2014, 11:10:55 AM »
shukriya Sagar jaisa bhi lkhti hooN ....is kabil nahi hui ki bahut achha likh sakuN ...phir bhi aap ne jo sanmaan diya uske liye aabhaari hooN ...is se likhne ki prerna milti haiN ...haaN khaamiyaN bhi bejhijak bataiye......ta jo shayad aap jaise har likhavat pe daad mile   :)      (jaise aap ko milti hai)....  khush rahiye    duaaeiN


Rashmi ji... . jo sachchha thought tha mann ka wo mausam ko dekhte huye aap ne likh diya.. saari baat hi khatm ho jaati hai is jageh pe aakar.. .. fir padhne waaloN ki daad-khaad aah-waah aur unki judgement ye sab bahot secondary cheez ho jaati hai... aur fir bahot achchha to poetry me (ya kisi bhi art me ) kuchh hota hi nahi... jo sachchha hai wo achchha hai... :-)) (chhota muh badii baat ho gayii ho to bade logoN se maafi chaahunga.. lekin sach bataauN to man se nahi bas oopar se.. kyunki main ekdam yahi sochta hun.. aur yahi maanta hun ke poetry jabtak sachchhi hai achchhi hai.. baaki sab faaltu ki baateN haiN)
:) bilkul sahi hai kai baar  use rooles meiN fit karte karte asli bhav hi kho jaate haiN ,,,or sach meiN sachaai se bhatak jaati hai wo rachna ,,,,,,,,,,,par kaayde to kuchh or hi kahte haiN na ,,,,,,,chaliye kisi din poore kaayde meiN bhi aa jaayeinge hum,,,,,,,,,, shukriya aapke aane se ek tassali hoti hai ke koi is tarah bhi sochta hai ......
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale

raazkibaat

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Re: mausam
« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2014, 11:52:07 AM »
Waah
Badhiy hai

Rashmi

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Re: mausam
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2014, 04:59:26 PM »
Bahutttt din baad aa paayi hn..aur aake sabse pehle aapki gazal pdi

Nice di

Mousam bhi khush ho gya hoga aapki mousmi gazal pdh kr :)
mausam kaisa mausam hai ye
tujh bin rookha rookha sa hai
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale

Musaahib

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Re: mausam
« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2014, 05:03:29 AM »
Kya kahne....bahut hi Khoobsoorat Rachna....

mujh se hi naaraaj ye mausam
aise kyon hai aaj ye mausam

tu jo rashmi' pahn na paaye
kaante jaisa  taaj ye mausam

Lajawaab...

:)

ridham

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Re: mausam
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2014, 11:03:28 AM »
barse na,, par aankh se barsa
dekho dhokhewaaj ye mausam
 :) aankh se barsa  :)

Rashmi

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Re: mausam
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2014, 05:07:02 PM »
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale

vsm1978

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Re: mausam
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2014, 05:03:40 AM »
barse na,, par aankh se barsa
dekho dhokhewaaj ye mausam--lajawab

chaah kar bhi barse na baadal
jaane kyon   muhtaaj ye mausam-Wahh

Rashmi

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Re: mausam
« Reply #13 on: December 19, 2014, 05:12:11 PM »
Kya kahne....bahut hi Khoobsoorat Rachna....

mujh se hi naaraaj ye mausam
aise kyon hai aaj ye mausam

tu jo rashmi' pahn na paaye
kaante jaisa  taaj ye mausam

Lajawaab...

:)
shukriya bishu ....khush raho ....duaaeiN
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale

Rashmi

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Re: mausam
« Reply #14 on: December 19, 2014, 05:16:36 PM »
barse na,, par aankh se barsa
dekho dhokhewaaj ye mausam--lajawab

chaah kar bhi barse na baadal
jaane kyon   muhtaaj ye mausam-Wahh
thanku so much ji
Rashmi Sharma

gooDe akkhar ,fatti sukki
adiyo meri gaachi mukki
sukke hanjhu akkhaN waale
haaDa! akkhar mooloN kaale